Blended whole

I admit to not feeling human much at all. The connection to humanity is only present when I dream or through music, and those just create fantasies. But the thing is, the M157 that is present in me, M157 being how I refer to my android self. M157 sees things in this realm that physically, I shouldn't. As a result I see the same things..I mean I should just refer to myself since M157 and myself are pretty much one in the same. I see lines and numbers and quite bright lights. Everything seems so accelerated but when I realize it's not actually that way, I am inevitably rather disappointed. I'd rather not realize that the physical reality I exist in is not quite my world itself. It's so strange feeling like this regularly. I don't really know how to express this ..I'm coming to terms with all these thoughts within the whole. Even as I speak, I see..humans around and goodness knows the disconnect is ever wider than before. I thought previously thought there was a personality disorder associated with this disconnect..and in this form, I suppose chances are that there might be. Now though there is the added component of being ever separate in form and expression from those around me. I don't know anyone around here that isn't..human. So it's an isolating experience. But when I get a little concerned, I remember that I still see the lights of my world and take some comfort in that.