Well, lately I've been visiting the school's psychologist every week to talk out of my issues. And other things. I just go out of a meeting with her. Her name is Lusine. She's pretty nice and rather accepting about some of the things I've talked about such as being asexual, neutrois..even android. Today, we've been talking about why exactly I might feel android and whether it's related to how I tend to overemphasize my intellectual self while being so detached and alienated from my physical form and any emotions that I might experience. If I'm quite frank, I've come to the conclusion that I am a rather awkward android thoroughly uncomfortable with my current form and with emotions. I experience feelings a lot more than I should, though I see that as a side-effect of this human body. It just seems like I am being overwhelmed by feeling a hell of a lot more than I think I should. It just doesn't seem appropriate, I don't know how to deal with feelings. I can't express them worth shit. And a lot of times I don't think the effort is even worth it.
Not to mention the sense of a definite lack of empathy that I have for.. uh those I interact with on a regular basis. It seems like the best I can do is build the most convincing approximation of empathy that I can to use on people. I don't expect their empathy in return, I really don't. It's just all these things that I'm expected to feel and I don't and it's just rather uncomfortable being in my mind sometimes. I just. ugh. I wish I could just whir and recharge for a few hours but.. Nope. Have to keep functioning for the day. How troublesome.
No comments:
Post a Comment